When Mama Leaves

It was interesting recently when I was gone with work for 2 weeks in Europe. The girls had a hard time at first, but it's really the adults around me that had the hardest time. I'm not faulting anyone or complaining really....it's just an observation that when a man or father needs to leave home for work, it's not much of an issue. Nobody gives so much as a shrug at the thought. His partner might complain a little, plans may need to be rearranged or cancelled, friends may need to be called upon for help. Yet these duties seems to go with the territory and it's mostly not the male partner who is making these arrangements even though he's the one creating the burden. When a woman leaves the vibe is different. I made the arrangements for my absence, which took months in the making to double cross all the t's to make sure everything was covered. Then the comments start to fly like, "what a great opportunity," and "aren't you lucky?" Some would seem to prefer to keep me in a state of continual gratitude for simply participating in my own life as it's unfolding. Due mainly to my gender it seems, this idea of leaving is somehow extra special. Without me at the helm, securely in place, what will happen to the home and hearth. I'm ruined by my perception that house holding is often closer to prison for women. The more you do (and the better you are at it) the more stuck to home and hearth you become. I love having and creating a home, but why does this mean I feel the need to apologize when I leave it. And to add insult to injury for many I have the audacity to gleefully admit that I love leaving it. There's this tinge of disappointment in the faces of those that just want me to be content with "what I have." Is that a wish really in my own best interests or in theirs-having settled long ago for lives that fell far short of not only expectations but true abilities and potential. If we, as women in particular, spent more time supporting and less time gossiping and judging, it occurs to me that we could all get what we want, whatever that looks like.

Ganapati Grows

It's been a long while since I've written at all about Ganapati. I've taken my one woman show to the LGBT Center at UWM to bring yoga to all who are inclined and frequent the center. It's been a great experience doing yoga in a public space, with folks passing in and out, our mats simply in the middle of the common room. It's a different kind of experience then the usual soothing, zen space. Not bad, just different and it fosters a kind of intense focus as your mind competes for your own attention with all the distractions. It's "fine focus" yoga.

Any suggestions for teaching in this environment are welcome.....

Namaste!

Scene One


Hard wind in October blows the patio furniture off the deck
Upending the balance of summer

Moments ago
Your bike was abandoned on the driveway
Colored by chalk and pink nail polish

In old shorts and hand-me-down t-shirt
You ran with shouts and in character
Filling in the space where sunshine stopped in the corners of the afternoon

The trees,
Full and green as shade umbrellas
for little bodies interlaced with sweat and bandaids
playing like nothing else mattered

It’s all changing and
soon will be gone

hoping for another chance to get it right

Introduction

We sat there awkwardly
waiting for something to change

cars on the highway rushed by
leaving shooting trails of light and dirt
a shot of anticipation

Watching your car
winding quickly around the corner
the way it goes when you've come to far to go back

Barefoot and wearing a winter coat in fall
you offer up your hand and
an almost sigh

more information to manage

All compressed into minutes, dark and mostly wordless
we handled the boys from one car to another

(for Lisa)

Hi. It's been a long, long time. I quite simply forgot about this blog for a while. I forgot the password and everything. It was interesting to me that a few people had noticed it and left a comment. Anyway, I need an outlet for writing. So this blog is going to be it. Get ready, set, go....

October 2009

It's been a very long time since I've blogged. My apologies. Summer has a way of taking you away from things that winter has a way of returning. Like returning to the warmth of the indoors and the computer screen. I've published a poem below. Hopefully it's the first in a series.

Ganapati continues to emerge. A small group of like minded friends has gathered around the project and blankets have been purchased with donations from the recent Global Mala gathering through the Anahata Project...Thank You Amy!

Be well,

cw

New Poem

After 5

The way this works:


I collect you with what’s left of my efficiency
Your roiling energy meets my limp

I have so little to give you.


dinner from a freezer
a quickstep through homework
a handful of pennies
perhaps a bath

I bought the shampoo with you in mind,

tangerine
to match your sunny sweetness

like a high wattage bulb, you keep the lights on in here

in this space, between the old life and our future,
we are building
a monument with scheduled blocks of time

to continually remind me who we could be.